


Warm Like Blood

by MizDiablo



Series: Yielding [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Dom Thor (Marvel), Dom/sub, Dubious Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Pain, Pining, Smut, Sub Loki (Marvel), Subdrop, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-20 02:06:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19367920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MizDiablo/pseuds/MizDiablo
Summary: When your world falls apart, who have you got?Friends?Family?Lovers?Being alone hurts, but sometimes the pain feels good and Loki will take whatever he can get.





	Warm Like Blood

**Author's Note:**

> For [lokivsanubis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokivsanubis/pseuds/lokivsanubis), who wanted to see dom Thor and sub Loki.

They say that watching the sun rise over Asgard is one of the most beautiful sights in the Nine Realms. They call it the Golden City, the Realm Eternal. They say it is a place that fills you with wonder.

‘They’ are full of shit.

Loki has seen the sun both rise and fall over Asgard hundreds, thousands of times and it never makes him feel anything but cold. The view can’t be fully blamed for that. He feels cold most of the time. He never expected the sight of the city to change that. Nothing does.

“There you are, my pet.” The voice is honeyed sweet, already making him feel a little dizzy as he turns to watch her approach. She is very beautiful. Long, wavy red hair framing her perfect face and dark eyes that makes you drown. “You always sit so close to the edge. Aren’t you afraid to fall?”

Loki pulls his legs up from the ledge of the palace roof and shrugs a little. “I’ve been coming here since I was a kid. This is not where I fall.”

“Mhm…” She hums, twirling a lock of her hair between two fingers. “Get up and come to me.”

The command is weak, but she needs no more. He follows her like a dog by now.

When he is standing in front of her, she runs a finger over his cheek. “I think you have been up here long enough. Come.”

“Yes Mistress.”

Lorelei doesn’t make the cold go away, she just makes him forget why it matters.

Later, she is watching him from the bed, as he gets dressed. “When will your brother be home?”

“I don’t know.” _I don’t care._

Lorelei makes a dissatisfied sound, turning away from him. “Disappointing. Leave me.”

He does and ends up walking the city aimlessly for a while. Everywhere he looks, people smile and greet him kindly, but no one talks to him. Why would they? As the second son of their king, he is at the same time too high above them for anyone to approach him out of friendliness and not high enough for anyone to approach in search of favours.

Loki vaguely considers slipping through one of his secret passageways to one of the other realms to get some distance to Asgard. It helps sometimes when he needs to think, but he discards the thought quickly. Not today.

In the end, he returns to the palace and finds Lady Frigga surrounded by her ladies in the hall.

“Loki, my dear.” She says, waving the ladies away to pull him into a hug.

“Mother.” Loki lets himself be held for a moment. His mother was always one of the few people who could make him feel any real warmth.

“Where have you been?” She asks as she lets go, watching his face carefully.

“Out.” He says, avoiding her eyes, so of course she knows at once.

“You know how I feel about that woman…” Frigga says disapproving. It’s so much harder to bear than his father’s and Loki pulls away from her, immediately felling cold again. “It’s fine…”

At least Lorelei pays attention to him, even if it is only for her own benefit.

Frigga watches him for a long time without saying anything. Then, searching his face for something she never finds, she says, “I miss seeing you smile…”

“I smile.” Loki says, sending her a wide grin that means nothing.

“Only when someone is looking…”

Loki looks away again, the smile returning to nothing, saying nothing. After a while, Frigga smiles at him carefully. “Your brother is home.”

“Took him long enough.” _I don’t care._

“Do you want to come greet him?” She asks.

“No… No, I’m tired. I’ll see him later.” Loki takes a step back, sending his mother another empty smile before turning and retreating to his rooms. Thor’s return will mean much revelry and celebration. The favoured son is home and Asgard rejoices.

They expect him to participate, of course. He is Thor’s brother and son of their king. His place is by their side, in their shadows. Like his mother. She is a sub, like him, but she was always so very different from him. It sometimes seems like everyone is.

When he joins the festivities, the entire hall is turned towards the throne, where Thor is standing next to Odin and Frigga. They cheer. Loki slips in quietly, taking his place in the shadows next to his mother. Odin is talking about the battle, the glorious victory won by Thor and his friends. The crowd cheers again, as Odin puts his hand on Thor’s shoulder. “You have done well, my son. The Nine Realms know safety for you deeds.”

“Such a victory deserves proper celebration.” Thor says, picking up his tankard of ale and raising it above the crowd. “For Asgrad!”

“For Asgard!!”

When Loki is later standing between two pillars, listening to Volstagg retelling a particular epic battle, Thor goes to him and slings an arm around his neck.

“Brother!” He greets with a bright smile. “I am glad to see you. You were missed in the battle.”

“I was in no fighting mood.” Loki says. Thor’s arm is warm and heavy on his neck, the smell of blood, oil and sweat still clinging to his skin. Loki doesn’t move. “You hardly needed me.”

“True, the Frost Giants have not been a real threat to us since father killed their king, Laufey, but I would still have preferred having you by my side.” Thor says, lifting his mug to drink. Loki just makes a noncommittal sound.

For a while they just stand together, listening to Volstagg talking. Then Thor looks at Loki again after a pair of beautiful serving girls walks by, smiling at the golden prince. “Now, brother. Shall we see about finding a fair maiden for you tonight?”

“You don’t have to do me any favours.” Loki says, ducking out of Thor’s arm and stepping a little away. Thor looks surprised. “If you have no taste for a maiden, I’m sure one of our fine warriors would – ”

“I don’t need your help finding company. I don’t need your pity!” Loki says, a little too loud and turns to leave. Thor looks surprised and a little hurt by that remark, but Loki is already too far away to notice. Being slimmer than most Asgardians means that Loki can easily disappear in a crowd and before Thor can follow, he is gone.

Loki goes alone to the balcony, getting some distance between himself and the party. He feels a little bad for snapping at Thor like that. Thor was only trying to help him. Thor is different than the others, even if he doesn’t understand.

_I don’t want to care._

Rubbing a hand over his face, Loki tries to tune out the commotion of the party behind him, but Asgardians are not a quiet people and drinking does not quiet them down in any way. He wants to leave. He wants to be alone, but he can’t leave until his parents do. Being on the balcony means that he is technically still at the party, even if he is not really participating.

It takes a while before he notices that the sound behind him is no longer merry celebrating, but shouting and the clash of metal. He turns just in time to duck out of the way as an ice sword swings towards him.

Behind the sword is a blue skinned Frost Giant, moving closer and looking at him with livid red eyes. Loki pulls out a knife, slamming it into the arm of the giant before he can swing the sword again. The giant cries out in anger and grabs Loki’s arm, tearing the thin fabric of his sleeve. The hand is strong and cool, gripping so hard that Loki can hardly move his hand. To his surprise, the skin around the hand slowly turns the same shade of blue as the Jotun’s. The surprise seems to be shared by the giant, who pauses for a second. Loki get over the surprise first, pulling his knife out and planting it into the shoulder of his enemy.

The Frost Giant lets out another angry howl and takes a step back to avoid the pain, but only for a moment. Then it rushes forwards towards Loki, only to tumble over the railing of the balcony when the illusion disappears.

Loki steps out from the wall and returns to the feast hall where a fight is raging. Asgarians and Frost Giants battle each other with equal ferocity, but only the Asgarians seem to be enjoying themselves and none more than Thor, who is swinging his hammer at any giant within reach.

Most giants are already engaged in battle, but two of them dispatch of their enemies and notices Loki standing alone by the door. In seconds they are upon him and only one of them falls for his illusion this time, the other one opting to just slam his fist into the space where Loki was a moment ago. Unfortunately for Loki, it is where he still is and the hit knocks him into the wall. He can taste blood as he slides down the wall a little.

“Brother!” The voice is like thunder and a moment later, lightning lashes in through the still open door, hitting both giants. Then Thor takes their place, holding a hand out. Loki takes it a little reluctantly and gets to his feet. The fighting seems to be done, Thor’s lightning having taken care of the last of the giants. Behind his brother, Loki sees several eyes turned in his direction, Asgardian warriors with their big weapons and shiny armour and almost no wounds despite the onslaught and general destruction of the hall.

“You are bleeding.” Thor says, having no care for the others watching them, and reaches a hand out towards Loki’s face. The dark-haired brother pulls away from the touch. “I’m fine...”

“Let me take you to the Healing Room.” Thor offers kindly, but Loki takes another step back. “I don’t need your help.” He says angrily and turns. He feels their eyes on his back as he hurries from the room, walking as slowly as he can bring himself to so it’s not obvious that he is running away.

Back in his room, there are many things that no longer make sense to Loki. Not the Frost Giant attack though. Those are fairly common and after Thor had defeated them in Jotunheim again, they must have been itching for a rematch, making them bold enough to show up at a party with most of Asgard’s armed forces. No, that makes perfect sense to him. It’s the other things.

He is standing in front of his mirror, looking at his reflection. Pale skin, dark hair, green eyes. So unlike his family. So unlike most Asgardians. And now, a split lip. Gingerly, he touches the cut. Being hit by the Frost Giant had been painful, but this is… Touching the wound sends a spike of pain through him, but also something else. Something warm, like blood.

It’s easy to disguise yourself when you are a Master of Magic. It’s easy to go into the city unnoticed when you have been sneaking around most of your life. It’s even easy to find a bar with too many drunken people and it’s very easy to goad some of them into beating him. He puts up a token resistance at first, but then lets them do what they want. It hurts, but no worse than he has tried before and it’s so warm. Loki will take whatever he can get.

When they tire of him, they leave him in a dark ally. It’s not easy to get up again. Moving hurts, but nothing is broken. He will be fine. In a few days, there will be no marks left on his skin and until then he can conceal anything with his magic. If he wanted to, he could go to the Healing Room and find an Elixir of Healing. Then everything would be gone in a matter of hours, but he doesn’t want that. He even feels a small stab of disappointment at the thought of hiding it, but letting his family see will do nothing good. He doesn’t want them to know.

Moving slowly back through the city, he hides himself completely from all eyes and gets to his room undisturbed. Large bruises are forming on his skin and touching them sends another stab of pain through him. It’s hard and warm and not entirely unpleasant.

Slowly and carefully, Loki takes off his ruined clothes and hides it deep in his closet. He will need to fix the worst of it before anyone sees.

He goes to the mirror again, watching the dark colours spread over his pale skin. There is something beautiful over it, but it seems wrong. Like it was supposed to be different. Like there could be something more to it, something better.

Still, it speaks to a hidden desire inside him. Loki carefully runs a hand over his side, feeling the pain just underneath the skin. It makes him suck in his breath, but he doesn’t stop. He grips his skin harder and gasps a little. It’s different, unlike anything he has tried before. Unlike anything Lorelei makes him do.

He bites his lip and feels the pain from the split lip. With one hand still pressing on the painful marks, he lets the other slide down his abdomen, gripping himself. He is harder than he expected, precome already beading on the tip of his cock. His grip becomes a little firmer as he brushes against his bruised ribs and feels the pain flare under his skin.

It is wrong. It has to be. It’s wrong, but he doesn’t care anymore.

Slowly, he starts stroking himself, pressing down on bruised ribs. The mix of pain and pleasure is making his head spin and his hand moves faster without him making a conscious decision about it. There is a hard edge to it, but it is so warm.

There is something like desperation in his movements as he grips his side harder, making himself cry out a little from the pain, but it’s worth it to feel warm. In his mind, he sees large, soft hands creating the marks instead of hard fists, and when he comes, he has to grip the sink not to fall.

It takes a moment before he can catch his breath again and wipe the blood from his chin.

Trying to forget everything that just happened, he removes all traces from the room before taking a long, very hot shower. The residual warmth in his body is gone long before he turns off the water.

It’s the loud banging on the door that wakes him up the next morning. With a sigh, he rolls carefully out of the silken sheets and wraps a light dressing gown around himself before shuffling over to open the door. Waiting for him is Thor, hand raised to knock again. A bright smile breaks out on his face. “Brother. Are you – What is this?” Thor asks, lifting his hand towards Loki’s face and Loki suddenly remembers that the marks on his face are not only from the Frost Giant attacks.

“It’s nothing.” He says dismissively and turns his head away from Thor’s touch. His brother hesitates before pulling his hand back.

“Are you sure? I know mother would help you if – “ Thor start, but Loki interrupts him. “I don’t need help. I’m fine. Just leave it.”

“Very well brother, if that is your wish.” Thor says, but his eyes betray something like concern that does not leave. “Will you come eat with us? The others are waiting.”

Loki hesitates. He prefers to avoid the others. It makes him feels less left out if he is on his own. In a crowd, it quickly becomes clear how out of place he is. But Thor’s eyes are pleading and his voice is hopeful.

“Let me get dressed.” Loki sighs, before returning to his room to change. He stops by the mirror to have a look at the impressive black eye Thor was talking about. Now that he knows about it, Loki cannot hide it, but he can explain it as the hit from the Frost Giant. He puts on long sleeves and pants, hiding the rest of his skin. He still has to move carefully to avoid the worst pain, but he can hide most of it if he moves slowly.

When he leaves the room a moment later, Thor is still there, waiting for him. The blonde smiles and starts talking about the battle yesterday immediately as they walk. Loki hardly listens, but that never seems to faze Thor, who just keeps talking until they get to the smaller hall, where his friends are gathered for breakfast. They greet Thor loudly as he enters but seem less enthusiastic to see Loki.

Loki ignores them and sits down next to his brother, who has turned his attention towards Lady Sif in another attempt to impress her. Since Lady Sif is just as skilled a fighter as Thor, it is not working this time either.

The Warriors Three are debating their various skills in the battle yesterday, both in Jotunheim and in the feast hall. Volstagg’s stories have already become embellished, but Fandral just laughs and Hogun seems to pay him no mind.

For a time, Loki eats in silence, listening to the others talk. The scene is very familiar to him. Most of his days have started like this, surrounded by Thor’s friends, listening to their conversations, invited by a brother that seems to forget his presence the second they start eating.

“Where were you yesterday Loki?” Fandral asks, turning his attention towards the younger prince. “Hiding until your brother could save you?”

“I was on the balcony.” Loki says, uncomfortably aware that everybody is quiet and listening to him now. “A Frost Giant attacked me, so I fought out there. I came back when – “

“Aw, shut up Loki, you just didn’t want to get your hands dirty.” Volstagg says loudly. It’s an unconscious command and Loki’s mouth snaps shut at once, an embarrassed flush colouring his face. Being a prince of the realm he is rarely commanded, and when he is, it hits him very hard.

“Do not command him!” Thor bellows, jumping to his feet and slamming a fist into the table with so much force that several cracks appear around his hand. There is lightning in his eyes. “Ever!”

“Come on Thor, that was hardly a command.” Volstagg says, turning away from Loki to face his friend. “It can hardly be my fault that he reacts like that.”

Thor is still yelling when Loki slips out of the room. This time he does not try to hide the fact that he is running away. The others don’t notice.

He is out in the city before he realises it and only stops when he can no longer see the palace. He feels on edge and unbalanced, more like a sub than usually. Being commanded does that to him. So there is really only one place he can go.

She opens the door only a breath after his last knock and smiles sweetly at him. Her dress is low-cut, flowing around her and see-through enough to give the illusion that she is naked underneath. Her lips are red as her hair, falling around her face in gentle waves.

“What’s this? Did someone hurt you, my pretty pet?” Lorelei asks, casting a disapproving look at his face. Loki keeps his eyes on the floor. “It’s nothing.” If he repeats it enough, it might become true.

“You are right. Come in. Bring my book from the table.” She turns without waiting for a response, leaving him to close the door behind her. She sits down on the couch, watching him expectantly. He takes the book and places it next to her before kneeling at her feet. He knows this game. He is glad it’s this one. It’s always easier when he doesn’t have to preform.

“Please me. Then you can rest.” It’s a command. Not because he needs to be told what to do, but because he needs to be commanded.

Slowly, in a gentle caress he has never felt himself, Loki lets his hands slide up her smooth legs under the dress, learning that she is indeed naked underneath. It’s no surprise really. Not with Lorelei.

She spreads her legs a little wider as he moves the dress up and starts kissing up her legs. The warmth from her skin does not reach deeper than his lips and he moves between her legs. The taste is almost sickening sweet. Everything about Lorelei is sweet.

He has done this before, several times. He knows what she likes. He knows what makes her tremble and moan. He knows how long he can draw it out before she gets impatient. He knows what to do. He doesn’t have to think about it. Slowly, he sinks into a quiet headspace, forgetting why he came here. Nothing matters but the command.

Lorelei doesn’t touch him until she comes, grabbing his hair and holding him in place until she is satisfied.

“Good.” She says, pulling him up by the hair so she can look him in the eyes. “Now lay down and be quiet. Don’t disturb me.”

Pulling the dress over her legs again, Loki lies down on the floor, resting his head on her feet. Lorelei picks up the book and starts reading, ignoring him. Loki takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. The darkness is cold and lonely, but it’s better than nothing.

Returning is cold, confusing and abrupt, as Lorelei stands and his head falls to the floor. He curls in on himself involuntarily, trying to hold on to something long gone. He lies like that until the world comes back into focus and he remembers where he is. Then he slowly gets to his feet. Lorelei is by her mirror, brushing her hair and paying him no attention. Loki walks to the door quietly.

“Thank you Mistress…” He says as he stands by the door. Lorelei doesn’t react, but he knows she will be mad if he leaves without thanking her.

It takes him a while to shake the disjointed feeling that comes with being brought back and he ends up wandering the city until hunger forces him back to the castle. He walks by the kitchen to grab something and goes up on the roof again.

He eats slowly, fighting down nausea. It will go away, it always does. Eating something actually helps, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Loki almost feels like himself again when footsteps behind him alerts him to someone approaching. The heavy boots can only belong to one person.

“It seems you are always here when I search for you, brother.” Thor says kindly before sitting down next to Loki on the edge of the roof.

“I like it here.” Loki says automatically. Right now he doesn’t like anything. That will go away too. Thor watches him for a long time. He seems worried.

“Are you well brother?” He finally asks. Loki does not look at him. “I’m fine.” Keep repeating it.

“I wish you would let me help you.” Thor says softly and puts an arm around the smaller man. His skin is warm and Loki, for once, doesn’t pull away. Instead, he leans a little into his brother’s side and closes his eyes. He is still not completely balanced after his visit to Lorelei and Thor is soft and firm next to him.

“Brother?”

Loki jerks back to himself, quickly pulling away from Thor. Allfather, what is wrong with him? Going under for his brother, that’s not supposed to happen!

“Loki, are you – “ Thor starts. There is something strange in his eyes, something Loki can’t place. Does he know? Could he feel it?

“Don’t.” Loki stands hurriedly, trying to hide how much his legs are shaking. “Don’t try to…” What? Command him? Touch him? Help him?

“I wouldn’t.” Thor gets to his feet slowly, but does not move closer to Loki. “And Volstagg didn’t mean to. You know it’s harder when we are hurt.”

“Hurt?” Loki echoes, momentarily forgetting what just happened. He hadn’t noticed that Volstagg had been hurt.

“Yes. One of the Frost Giants touched his skin, burning it with ice. Like when someone touches the Casket of Eternal Winter in the armoury. It hurt him, but he will be healed again soon. He didn’t meant to – “ Thor explains until Loki cuts him off. “I… I have to… I…”

Turning quickly, Loki runs away again.

“Loki?”

Ignoring the voice, Loki runs until he is in one of the dark halls, hidden behind a curtain. He leans heavily against the wall and tries to catch his breath. Frost Giants. Blue skin and frostbite. He should be hurt. He should…

_Like when someone touches the Casket of Eternal Winter._

He can’t deal with Thor. There’s… It’s too much. But this. The Casket might provide some answers.

The hall is silent as he walks towards the armoury. The guards don’t stops someone they can’t see, so getting in is no problem.

The armoury was always one of Thor’s favourite places, the many relics won from ancient battles on display as a testament to their victories. Loki moves slowly down the rows of artefacts, keeping his eyes on the one waiting for him in the far end of the room.

Bound by uru and magic, the Casket of Eternal Winter is the living cold, taken from the Frost Giants and kept safe in the Asgardian vaults. If someone were to take it, they could unleash a FImbulwinter upon the world.

Stepping up to the pedestal holding the Casket, Loki grabs it carefully. He feels the cold, but it doesn’t hurt. Blue light falls on his skin, traveling up his arms slowly. It’s not just light.

It’s a presence more than a sound that tells him he is no longer alone.

“Am I cursed?”

“No.” The voice is strong and firm. A commanding voice.

“What am I?” Loki asks, gripping the Casket a little firmer.

“You are my son.” Odin says, moving a little closer.

“What more than that?” Loki asks, putting down the Casket and turning to face his father. The blue colour stays on his skin and the room feels a little too warm, making him uncomfortable. “The Casket wasn’t the only thing you took from Jotunheim that day, was it?”

“No. In the aftermath of the battle, I went into the temple and I found a baby. Small for a giant’s offspring. Abandoned, suffering, left to die. Laufey’s son.” Odin looks sad, but determined to speak, like the secret can no longer be kept. Not when Loki has already found part of the truth.

“Laufey’s son.” Loki echoes. The room might be warm, but he feels colder than he ever has. Numb and brittle and so so cold.

“Yes.” Odin takes a step closer, carefully. He is worried. Is it fear or concern?

“Why?” Loki raises his voice. The anger is a cold, sharp thing in his chest, latching on to his words. “You were knee-deep in Jotun blood, why would you take me?”

“You were an innocent child.” Odin says and that’s just… Wrong. That is not how Odin operates. There is always a plan, always an ulterior motive.

“You took me for a purpose. What was it? Tell me!” He is shouting now, tears of rage and confusion clouding his vision. He needs to know. He can handle the secrets anymore. He needs the truth.

“I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day. Bring about an alliance, bring about permanent peace. Through you. The Jotuns have not had a proper king since Laufey died.” Odin says, lifting a hand to reach for Loki, who steps away from his touch. “So I am no more than another stolen relic, locked up here, until you might have use of me?”

“Why do you twist my words?” Odin says and that’s rich, coming from him. After keeping this hidden for so long, Loki is the bad guy? Of course Odin would see it like that.

“You could have told me what I was from the beginning, why didn’t you?” Loki asks, no longer shouting, but still feeling like he is made of ice.

“You’re my son.” Odin says, something like kindness in his eye, as he reaches for Loki again. “I only wanted to protect you from the truth.”

“Because I’m the monster parents’ tell their children about at night?” Loki huffs, avoiding the outstretched hand again. He can’t do this. Odin is not his father. Asgard is not his home. He pushes past the Allfather and all but runs towards the open door. He should have known Odin would come find him. He needs to keep his precious weapons safe from the enemy within his house.

Loki scrambles through the halls, unaware of where he is going until he almost falls down the steps to one of the lesser halls, where Thor, Lady Sif and the Warriors Three are gathered. They stop when he stumbles in and Fandral raises a glass towards him. “Loki. You look like you just saw a bilgesnipe trampling through the halls.”

Loki just stares at them, unmoving.

“What happened? Silver tongue turn to lead?” Volstagg laughs and returns to his dinner, unconcerned. Thor gets up from the table and takes a step towards him. “Brother?”

_Brother_.

No. Thor was never his brother.

Thor takes another step forwards and Loki turns around, running from the room. Thor’s voice calls after him like thunder, but he doesn’t listen. He keeps running, avoiding servants and soldiers in the palace, ignoring the way they stare at him, ignoring the way Thor is still calling for him.

Then there is a gust of wind and suddenly Thor is standing in front of him, thanks to his damn hammer. Loki tries to stop in time, but he is moving too fast and stumbles into the blonde’s arms.

“Why are you running? What happened?” Thor asks, his blue eyes filled with worry. Loki pulls angrily away from him. “Don’t touch me! Did you know? Did you know?!”

“Know what? What is wrong?” Thor reaches out for him with his left hand, Mjolnir still in the right and Loki feels the icy rage splintering in his chest. Summoning a spear from nothing is no problem for a Master of Magic and before Thor can say more, Loki is swinging the spear at him.

The expression of pure surprise only lasts a moment as Thor block the blow with his hammer. Loki tightens his grip and attacks again. He rarely fights like this, but he is too angry to focus on using his magic and he is as skilled as any warrior in Asgard with the spear. He keeps attacking, but Thor never retaliates, only using the hammer to defect the blows.

“Loki, stop this!” Thor yells, taking a step back to avoid the tip of the spear. Loki hisses and strikes at him again.

“I will not fight you brother!”

“I’m not your brother. I never was.” Loki shouts and there’s… Relief in Thor’s eyes. Relief and joy and suddenly the shards of ice in his chest are cutting him. It feels like his heart is bleeding.

_I don’t want to care!_

Yet he does.

Loki is gasping for breath and it has nothing to do with the fight. “You’re relieved. Of course you are. Now you don’t have to worry about me stealing you crown. You didn’t have to! I never wanted the throne. I only ever wanted to be your equal!”

“Loki, it’s not… I never…” Thor tries as he steps a little closer, but Loki swings the spear wide, forcing him backwards. “Don’t! I don’t want to hear it.”

He is shaking. Everything hurts. Everything is cold. He can’t do this.

Summoning all his remaining strength, Loki weaves a spell around himself, hiding him from Thor’s eyes before turning away and running before the Asgardian has a chance to react. Again he ignores the call behind him.

It takes everything in him to reach his room and curl up in the corner behind his chest of drawers. The door is enchanted and will not permit anyone to enter unless he allows it.

The darkness that claims him is hard and cold, but nowhere near as cold or painful as the shards of ice in his heart.

For the second time that day, a loud banging on his door wakes him up. This time, however, waking up is confusing and painful. Curling closer around himself, Loki tries to ignore the door, but the sound doesn’t go away. It is making his head hurt.

“Open the door Loki!” Thor’s voice booms. Lightning flashes outside the windows. “I know you are in there. I’m not leaving.”

Loki covers his ears with his hands, trying to keep the sound out, but it doesn’t help. Thor is not called ‘the thundere’ for nothing.

“I spoke to father. Let me in. Loki! Please!” There is something restrained in his voice. Even if Thor is adamant about getting Loki’s attention, he is doing all he can to keep his voice controlled. There is no command. “Please…”

It will go on forever. Thor is stubborn. With a resigned sigh, Loki unfolds himself and stands up. He feels stiff and moving hurts. Everything hurts, but making the sound go away might help a little.

When he opens the door he is met by Thor, who is looking very concerned. “Brother. Please talk to me.”

“I’m not your brother. You don’t have to care.” Loki says, turning away and going back into the room.

“But I do.” Thor says, following Loki and closing the door behind him. His voice is pleading, imploring. “We were raised together. We played together, we fought together. Do you remember none of that?”

“I remember a shadow.” Loki says fiercely, turning abruptly to face Thor. “Living in the shade of your greatness.”

“I never realized.” Thor says softly. “I only wanted you to be happy.”

“How, exactly, did you try to accomplice that? By letting me stand in the shadows? By ignoring me a soon as your friends showed up?” Loki huffs, crossing his arms.

“I… I was worried they would notice…” Thor mumbles, a faint blush on his face, but Loki is too cold with anger to care. “Notice what? The truth?”

And suddenly, it’s easy. It’s easy because he knows now.

“Look at me!” He says, voice full of venom, as he lets his skin change until the blue is everywhere, covering him in cold outside and in. “This is what I am. Look at me.”

Thor does. Then he reaches out a gentle hand and caresses Loki’s cheek. “You are beautiful.”

Pure surprise makes him change back. It is not his natural state. So long being (pretending to be?) an Asgardian means that pale skin and green eyes is what he looks like when he is not using his powers. Thor’s hand is still on his cheek, warm and firm and kind. This time it really feels like his tongue has turned to lead.

“You are right that I was relieved to learn that you are not my blood-brother.” Thor says slowly, his blue eyes holding Loki’s firmly. “But not because of the throne. It matters not to me. I did not know of your true parentage before today, but I would not have worried that my friends saw you. What you are makes no difference. I know you. I worried they would see that my love for you is not that of a brother.”

“You… You… What?” Loki gasps. Thor is standing so close, his eyes as blue as the clear summer sky. Somehow that is making it hard to focus.

“I thought it would help to distance myself from you, to seek out battles and women at the celebrations.” Thor says, carefully putting his arm around Loki’s waist, pulling him closer. His skin is so warm.

“You… You tried to find a maiden for me…” Loki mumbles. It’s not really important at all, but it is the only thing he can think of to say. Thor smiles a little sadly. “I hoped that seeing you well taken care off would make it easier for me. I know you are not well. I know you are suffering. When you went under for me today… I still wish I had not disturbed you…”

“I… I don’t understand…” Loki whispers. His eyes are still caught by Thor’s. It feels like he couldn’t look away even if he tried.

“You are unbalanced. Please, let me take care of you. Let me bring you under so you can rest. We will talk when you are better.” Thor says gently.

Dropping is unpleasant. He has been woken abruptly twice today already, but maybe it means Thor will stay close and he is so warm. The splinters in Loki’s chest no longer hurt as much, but there is still ice in his bones. Maybe Thor could make it go away, just for a little while. Slowly, he nods and immediately regrets it when Thor lets go of him.

Some of it must show on his face, because Thor smiles at him and strokes his hair gently. “I will take care of you Loki. Trust me.”

Then Thor moves to the cupboards, rummaging a little before sitting down on a chair. “Come to me…” His voice is firm, full of command. It’s strong and impossible to resist. Loki doesn’t try. His head is spinning a little and there is a soft tingle under his cold skin.

”Kneel.” Thor commands and Loki does, sliding to the floor in front of the blonde. He is so woozy he has to grab Thor’s knees to steady himself. His vision is fuzzy, but somehow Thor’s face is completely clear in front of him, making it impossible to look away.

“Good. Very good Loki.” Thor says, running a hand over Loki’s hair. Loki’s eyes fall shut and he moans faintly. It feels so good. Nothing ever felt like this. His mind is mush and his entire body is humming.

“Open your mouth.” Thor says and again, Loki obeys without thought. He can hardly remember his name, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters but Thor’s voice. Something small is placed on his tongue.

“Eat.” Thor orders and Loki does. The taste explodes in his mouth, whiting out his mind for a moment and making him moan again. He has no idea what he is eating. It’s not important. Thor gave it to him, so he must be doing good. He is being good.

Thor feeds him several different things and each one makes Loki forget anything else for a moment. Thor is still stroking his hair slowly, keeping him somewhat balanced. If this could be the rest of his life, Loki would be happy. Warmth is radiating from Thor’s hand.

After a while, his knees start to hurt. The pain is cold and sharp, but still speaks to the desire deep within him and Loki leans into it a little. Everything feels so good, but he knows there could be more, even if he is not sure how.

“Does it hurt? Thor asks, somewhere about him and Loki nods. He wants it to, wants the pain, but he always dreamed it could be different. He just doesn’t know how.

“Do you like it?” Thor continues and Loki nods again.

“Open your eyes.” Even if it’s a command, it’s hard to obey. His eyes feel heavy and opening them takes all his strength. Thor is looking down on him, his eyes blue and filled with lightning. It’s still the only clear thing in his blurry vision. “Do you want me to make it hurt?”

The words suddenly make up Loki’s entire world. It’s the only thing he wants. “Yes… Yes please…” Loki breathes.

“Get up.” Thor commands and grabs Loki’s arm, helping him to stand. Loki can barely focus on what is happening as Thor leads him towards his bedroom and closes the door behind them. “Take of your shirt.”

It’s hard to keep his balance when standing, but Thor stays close by, giving him an arm for support when he is about to fall. With only a little help, he manages to take the shirt off, exposing the bruises on his skin. Thor pauses, running a soft hand over the mottled skin. “Who did this?”

“I don’t know…” Speaking seems harder than usually, but he wants to be good, to answer. Somehow it feels like Thor needs to know. “Didn’t matter…”

“You will tell me more about this later.” Thor says firmly and Loki just nods. He will do anything Thor asks if it can make him feel like this.

“Tell me to stop if it becomes too much or I do something you don’t like.” It’s a command, but Loki doesn’t really understand it. He is not supposed to have any say in this, in anything. He never had with Lorelei, she made that very clear. He nods anyway, not wanting to be bad when being good feels so wonderful.

The first slap hits him like fire. Thor’s hands are big and strong, making pain flare for a moment and pleasure spike up through Loki’s spine. Thor is careful to avoid the bruises already on his skin. The pain from the bruises is hard and uncomfortable, but Thor’s hands are soft, even through the sting of pain. Loki gasps slightly. Thor might say something to him, but he can hear it. He is not aware of anything but how _good_ it feels. Nothing ever felt like this. Nothing ever felt this good.

The second slap is just as warm as the first and so is the third. Loki’s entire body feels warm and tingling. It feels right. It feels like everything he wanted.

Then Thor grips his side, squeezing the bruises gently and Loki whines as his legs buckle under him. Thor catches him, pulling him close again. He is still so warm and Loki mindlessly tries to get closer, desperate to feel that warmth for as long as possible.

“Shhh… Shh, I know… You need to rest… Come…” Thor’s voice is soft and suddenly the floor under Loki’s feet is gone, as Thor lifts him and carries him to the bed. Loki can feel the skin of his chest, so Thor must have removed his shirt at some point without Loki noticing. His chest is warm and firm.

“I want you to go deep now Loki. As deep as you can. Drop for me.” The command rumbles into his skin, becoming part of him. Thor might say something else, but Loki is enveloped in a soft, warm darkness that drowns out everything else.

He wakes up some time later, feeling relaxed and warm and safe and it takes a moment before he understands why. Then he feels the arms around him, strong and warm and holding him close to a broad chest moving slowly.

Thor.

Thor, who is sleeping behind him.

Thor, who isn’t his brother.

Thor, who made everything feel good and warm.

And that is… It’s really confusing. Lorelei always gave him what he needed, but never what he wanted. Thor gave him everything he never knew he wanted. The pain had been soft and warm, more like a caress than Lorelei’s uncaring hands on his skin had ever been. Thor had made him feel like that. Thor knows and yet he still cares. He is still there.

It’s too much. He needs to think, to understand. Everything yesterday had happened so fast.

Slowly, carefully as to not wake the sleeping blonde, Loki moved the arms holding him and slipped out of bed. Thor had wanted to talk. He had wanted to know why Loki was hurt. That meant explaining why he had sought out a beating. But Thor had offered to make it hurt, had made the pain warm and soft. Maybe he would understand. Maybe he would make it hurt again. Maybe.

Everything is uncertain and confusing. Looking at the sleeping man in his bed, Loki is tempted to slip back in his arms and go back to sleep, but in the end, he grabs some clothes and silently leaves the room.

He needs to think and right now, he can’t do that in Asgard…

**Author's Note:**

> New playes means new games.
> 
> If everything continues as it is now, you will get the first of these new games monday, unless life happens in the meantime :)


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